4 Easy Ways To Destroy Your Laptop
Laptops are an integral part of our everyday lives. We use
them for homework, social media, listening to music, gaming, and many other
productive and entertaining things. As expensive as
they can be, a laptop is one of the most useful (if not necessary) items to
own, easily justifying the hundreds or sometimes thousands of dollars needed to
buy one.
There will always come a time, however, when each laptop must die.
This is a sad and unavoidable truth, a law as inviolable as the rising of
the sun. Intimidating as that may be, look on the bright side - who
doesn't like sucker punching their wallet to buy a new computer every couple of
months?
With this idea in mind, I've prepared some tips to help you end
the life of your current laptop more quickly and violently than ever before.
Following my guide, you will learn some quick and easy ways to harm your
computer during every day use and probably have some of your own current
practices reinforced as well.
1. Rest
Your Laptop On Your Bed
I can think of no better way to overheat a machine than by burying
it under a comforter that traps enough body heat to scramble an egg.
When your laptop is running, the processor generates a lot of heat - enough to ruin or flat-out melt some of the hardware components. This heat is normally dispersed by fans on the machine to keep cool air flowing through the system. Blocking these fans with a blanket or even allowing them to become permanently clogged with dust from your bedding is a great way to ensure that your machine gets hot enough to cause irreparable damage.
When your laptop is running, the processor generates a lot of heat - enough to ruin or flat-out melt some of the hardware components. This heat is normally dispersed by fans on the machine to keep cool air flowing through the system. Blocking these fans with a blanket or even allowing them to become permanently clogged with dust from your bedding is a great way to ensure that your machine gets hot enough to cause irreparable damage.
2. Pick Your Laptop Up
By Its Screen
I know what you're thinking - this one is too obvious for a list
like this. While I'm inclined to agree, I think it's important to at
least touch on the fundamentals out of respect for the damage they can cause.
Anyway, if you like the thought of your display shattering, or at the very
least the idea that your hinges will snap, then
this one is for you. Instead of lifting
the computer from underneath the base as is recommended, tug the corners of
your screen with your fingers until the device is totally off the ground, and
then set it down forcefully every time you need to move it. This is most effective for bulkier laptops
and is a good way to jostle sensitive components loose.
3. Yank Your Power Cord
Out By Its Cable
Don’t worry about grabbing the base of your charger to unplug it from
your laptop gently; this will protect it from being separated from the rest of
the cable, or worse, it will reduce warping the charging port itself. What you want to do is get a fistful of
cable, stand ten feet away from the computer, and jerk backwards with the power
of ten thousand storms.
Do it enough times, and the cable will eventually fray, and if you’re really lucky, it could even rip the head off of your cord, leaving its tip to clog the charging port until Christ returns to call us home.
Do it enough times, and the cable will eventually fray, and if you’re really lucky, it could even rip the head off of your cord, leaving its tip to clog the charging port until Christ returns to call us home.
4. Eat Every Meal Using
Your Laptop As A Plate
We’re all naturals when it comes to eating food while using a
computer, but many of us don’t even realize just how sound a practice this is
in terms of instantly breaking a perfectly good device. Think about it this way: slosh a little Dr.
Pepper over the keyboard just one time, and the laptop you got for your
birthday yesterday is instantly useless. If you’re not into Dr. Pepper, you could at
least keep enough crumbs on the keyboard to sate the hunger of a small
animal. That way you can tear up the
keyboard and risk causing damage to internal parts when you end up having to
open the case to fix or replace malfunctioning keys.
So there you have it: four simple yet effective ways to ensure
that your next computer won’t last long.
I can guarantee that given enough attempts, following these instructions
will harm your laptop beyond repair, giving you good reason to buy a new one
with all that money you were planning to flush down the toilet.
Of course, if for whatever reason you were planning on saving your money instead of wasting it, then you can do the exact opposite of what I described above to extend the life of your computer, which just seems kind of cheap. But who am I to judge?
Of course, if for whatever reason you were planning on saving your money instead of wasting it, then you can do the exact opposite of what I described above to extend the life of your computer, which just seems kind of cheap. But who am I to judge?
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